Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam 10.30.39
Blended reading (Sanskrit + English inline)
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nātha
—
master
Vocative — Lord, protector. The first of the four vocatives in the verse. Nātha is the standard śaraṇāgati-address: bhakti-tradition's go-to word for the One in whom one takes shelter. She is taking shelter through the very breath that names Him absent.
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ramaṇa
—
lover
Vocative — the One who delights, the lover in the erotic sense. From √ram (to take pleasure). The mādhurya-specific address — what Lakṣmī can call Viṣṇu, what only the gopīs call Kṛṣṇa. The register narrows; the wound deepens.
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preṣṭha
—
dearmost
Superlative of priya — most-dear. Past every comparison. Rūpa Gosvāmī's Ujjvala-nīlamaṇi treats the preṣṭha-vocative as Rādhā's signature address to Kṛṣṇa. The verse uses Her vocabulary.
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kva asi kva asi
—
where are You, where are You
Phrase: kva (where) + asi (You are). Doubled. The repetition is itself a sāttvika-bhāva symptom — the inability to formulate a different sentence. Caitanya Mahāprabhu's biographers use this exact phrase to describe His Purī cries.
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dāsyāḥ
—
of Your maidservant
Genitive of dāsī (maidservant, female servant). The verse pairs dāsyāḥ with kṛpaṇāyāḥ ('wretched'): of Your wretched maidservant. She had said 'naya mām — carry Me'; She now names Herself dāsī. Gauḍīya teaching: dāsya is the floor on which mādhurya stands.
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sakhe
—
O friend
Vocative — friend, equal. The vocative that crosses rasa-boundaries: in mādhurya the lover is also intimate friend. Verse 39 stacks four registers (nātha-ramaṇa-preṣṭha-sakhe), Vraja's full vocabulary of relation. None retrieves Him; the prayer is rasa's own height.
Śrīla Viśvanātha Cakravartī Ṭhākura describes the following moving exchange: “Rādhā says, ‘My Lord, I am being burned in the great fire of separation from You, and My life air is about to leave My body. Even with the greatest endeavor I cannot maintain My life. But You are the Lord of My life, and so You can quickly save Me simply by glancing upon Me. Please do so immediately. I beg You to save My life, not for My sake but rather for Yours. After giving up all the other gopīs, You’ve brought Me so far to a secluded place in the forest just to enjoy special pleasure with Me. If I die You will not be able to find conjugal happiness anywhere else. You will remember Me and thus lament in Your sorrow.’ “Kṛṣṇa replies, ‘So let Me become unhappy. What does that matter to You?’ “‘But You are most dear to Me. I will feel Your unhappiness millions of times more than You. Even if I’ve already died, I still will not be able to tolerate the pain that even one spot on the nails of Your lotus feet may experience. Indeed, to prevent such pain I am ready to throw My life away millions and millions of times. So kindly show Yourself and drive away that unhappiness.’ “‘But if Your life air is on the verge of leaving Your body, what can I do to stop that?’ “‘Simply by the touch of Your arms, which are a medicinal herb with the power to revive the dead, My body will return to its healthy, normal condition, and My life air will automatically come back and remain in My body.’ “‘But You know the forest path Yourself without My help, so why did You order Me, the king’s son and a very young and gentle boy who is to be respected? Why did You command, “Take Me wherever You wish”? Why do You anger Me like this?’ “Rādhā cries out, ‘Please show Yourself to Your wretched maidservant. Be merciful to Me! Be merciful! When I ordered You, I was overcome by sleepiness. I was so tired from playing with You. Therefore please excuse what Your poor servant said. Please don’t be angry. It was only because You treated Me like such a close friend, though I am unworthy, that I spoke like that to You.’ “‘All right, My love, I am very pleased with You, so please come to Me.’ “‘But I’ve been blinded by lamentation. I can’t see where You are. Please tell Me where You are.’”
When Radha spoke like this, Krsna began to consider as follows. "I see that she has given up her original nature which shows bashfulness and uncooperative manner. The real woman does not readily consent to invitations to take her to the lover’s flower bed. If she has given up her uncooperative nature (vamya), then why should I not give up my nature as a cooperative male lover. This becomes necessary now. If both lovers show the same nature of cooperative or uncooperative, there can be no enjoyment of rasa. I will not be at fault with the knowers of rasa if I give up my nature now. Rasa becomes tasteful if it follows properly the emotions of the woman. "Also, now is the opportunity to see Radha in a state generated by separation from me, something which I have been desiring to see for a long time. The gopis have realized the greatest fortune of my embracing Radha. Let the other gopis now experience the ocean of great amazement in seeing the extraordinary state of mental anguish generated from her extreme prema in separation. In comparison to her great conflagration in separation from me, their pain in separation from me is but a small lamp light. "And let the perfection of srngara rasa and union be perfected today by separation. When by my expertise I arrange for separation from Radha, when all the gopis including Radha are in a state of separation, I can appear and simultaneously appease all of their pains of separation equally. This is the proper preparation for the rasa dance today. If I were to appear in front of the other gopis after having enjoyed privately with only Radha, their minds would not be settled." Considering many factors like this, Krsna then spoke with a desire to suddenly disappear. "Climb on my shoulder." He then considered what Radha had said, "Take me where you want." "I have a desire to sleep a little because of tiredness from playing and walking in the forest. But to sleep alone all night without my dearest love might give inauspicious sorrow to her. If she says "Let us go to the flower bead and we can sleep there together," that is also dishonorable." Thus the lila sakti of the Lord, full of prema, knowing the internal emotions of Radha, brought about Krsna’s disappeareance in order to perfect the pastime. Radha began to lament continuously (anu tapyata).
She began to lament. Ha indicates distress or pain. The word should be added to all the names. O protector, since you are my husband (nātha)! Giver of happiness befitting a lover (ramaṇa)! Distributer of suitable prema to persons like me (preṣṭha)! Where are you? Where are you now staying alone, though you have affection for me? Not knowing your whereabouts, my heart is agitated. Repetition of kvāsi (where are you) indicates her agitated condition. Bewildered by remembering the exceptional beauty of his limbs which excited her rasa, which made her remember her fortune of obtaining his embraces, she calls out “O might-armed Kṛṣṇa!” Then in great misery she said, “I am your low servant.” “Are you searching for my residence so that you can again embrace me?” No, no, O friend! You have already given you close association. Just show you are nearby. By your association I have developed attachment. I cannot accept separation after you gave me association. If you just let me know that you are here, then I will be relieved. The reason is that I am only a servant. I am not qualified to be a friend. I only want to do service favorable to you, which has arisen suddenly by your mercy alone. I am miserable. I cannot tolerate this misery and do not know how to get relief. You should not deceive me nor should you sow a seed of remorse for me in your heart. This anubhāva is called audārya. audāryaṁ vinayaṁ prāhuḥ sarvāvasthāgataṁ budhāḥ: audāryam means having a kind nature in all circumstances. (Ujjvala-nīlamaṇi 11.23)
She began to lament. Ha indicates distress or pain. The word should be added to all the names. O protector, since you are my husband (nātha)! Giver of happiness befitting a lover (ramaṇa)! Dearest (preṣṭha)! Giver of strong embraces (mahābhuja)! This is a sequence with later elements being the cause of the former. Or O master (nātha)! Not only that, you give the happiness of love (rāmaṇa) or cause various pastimes. By nature you are dearer than the self (preṣṭḥa) because you are supremely attractive with a form of eternity, knowledge and bliss (mahābhuja). Or you produce the greatest enjoyment (mahābhuja), giving a wealth of enjoyment through love. Or O lord of Vraja (nātha)! Being the lord, you are the enjoyer (ramaṇa) as the master. You are dearest (preṣṭha) as the illicit lover. This is perfected by your great beauty (mahabhuja). Or lamenting in grief, “Where are you? Where are you?” bewildered she falls on the ground. She desires to embrace him and remembers. “O strong armed Kṛṣṇa!” I am here, not far away. Come close to me. Why? I am your servant and most miserable. If I die, you will be in pain. O dearest (sakhe)! Or you should not cheat me as you did previously in revealing yourself. O friend whom I can trust (sakhe)! Or “O dearest! Giving you up, I have not gone anywhere. I am beside you.” Being a fool I do not see you. Reveal yourself to me since you are a friend. I am your servant. Though in lamentation, consistenty of meaning is not necessary, and inconsisitency is its quality, because intellect disappears in the pain of separation, the statements of such persons have all meanings. According to bhakti, the meanings have been explained. This applies for later explanations also. She fainted and fell on the ground. This is inferred from verse 40. Or from verse 38 where it is stated he disappeared, she experienced vaicittya, and though he was actually present her ecstasy did not allow her to see him. Actually he was standing there silently for fun. She lamented in vaicittya, and when he saw the other gopīs approaching he disappeared.
- What lost intimacy with God could become the seed of my deepest prayer?
- Am I willing to cry out instead of pretending I am fine on my own?
When the dearest one falls silent, the abandoned voice cycles through every name love has earned — master, lover, dearest, mighty-armed, friend. The gopī's cry kva asi kva asi is grammar at the end of itself: one verb 'are You,' twice, going nowhere. This is viraha at its purest, the very mood Caitanya Mahāprabhu re-spoke at Gambhīrā.
In His final years at Purī, in the small inner room called Gambhīrā, Mahāprabhu would cry through the night: kāhāṅ mora prāṇa-nātha, kāhāṅ vaṁśī-vadana — 'where is the Lord of My life, where is the flute-player?' Svarūpa Dāmodara and Rāmānanda Rāya stayed by Him; Kṛṣṇadāsa Kavirāja records these laments in Caitanya-caritāmṛta Antya-līlā 14–20.
Gauḍīya tradition holds that Caitanya was tasting precisely this gopī's verse — kva asi kva asi — from the inside. The verse before us is therefore not just scripture but the secret diary of His Purī years. Caitanya is Rādhā's bhāva incarnate; SB 10.30.39 is His autobiography.
My note
Source: vedabase.io